Dear Cow,
This letter was originally hate mail for Gaga but, as I’m sure PETA is still asking themselves, how do you pour blood on someone who is already wearing raw meat? Instead I send you this letter as a praise song. I hope you had fun at your first awards show and that you shivered when Cher got close. I hope that in some way this was the dream you always wanted to come true: walking the red carpet, posing with Ellen. You were never meant to be a small town burger in a dive bar anyway. I hope you were strutting enough for the two of you, and for a few hours you didn’t even miss the taste of grass. Most of all, I’m glad you finally got everyone to stop paying attention to that media-whore the Lipsticked Pig. She’s all gimmick anyway. Seeing you with that moon man was moooooving.
Sincerely,
People Like Me!