We would like to ask Americans a question. Have you ever traveled to Europe and pretended to be Canadian, because we have? Even though Americans can pick out a Canadian accent like a police siren breaking the silence of night, it’s not so easy for Europeans to differentiate between the two accents. You’d think that the ‘aboot’s and ‘eh’s would be a dead giveaway, but we could see how a Canadian and someone from Minnesota could sound alike. As a matter of fact, the only thing separating the two is the 49th parallel which is just an imaginary line created at the Convention of 1818.

The Convention of 1818, or simply the Treaty of 1818, was a treaty signed on October 20, 1818 between the United States and the United Kingdom. It resolved standing boundary issues between the two nations using the 49th parallel, and allowed for joint occupation and settlement of the Oregon Country.

Pretending to be Canadian isn’t all that bad. You can tell everyone that you’re perfectly healthy thanks to socialized medicine and breathing in crisp, clean, maple syrup scented air. You can brag that your country has the best disco fries in the world (Canadians call it poutine, it’s french fries topped with cheese curds and veal demi-glace). Last, but not least, everyone will treat you fantastically thinking that you’re one of the nicest people in the world. Let’s discuss that last point a bit further, because we think that the stereotype that “all Canadians are the nicest people” needs to stop. It’s a political agenda that Canadians have been using for years so that they have great vacations. Let us drop this knowledge bomb on you. Have you ever watched a hockey game and not seen at least 3 fights occur? Guess what, most of those guys are Canadian. Nice, our ass!

At the turn of the 14th century, the new Pope Clement V was disturbed by rumors that were going around Europe about the Order of the Knights Templar that had been made by an ousted member. It was generally thought that the rumors were false, but Clement asked King Philip IV of France to assist in the investigation. Philip was already deeply in debt to the Templars from the finance of his war with England. This presented the perfect opportunity for Philip to clear away that debt and those that would seek repayment.

On Friday, October 13, 1307 Philip ordered hundreds of French members of the Order of the Knights Templar to be simultaneously arrested in a large synchronized manhunt. The Templars were charged with numerous offences (including heresy, homosexuality, financial corruption and fraud) that they eventually falsely confessed to during torture.

Is it possible that this event is the origin of the Friday the 13th superstition? Could it be that the acts of the king of France and the leader of the Roman Catholic Church led to inspire the great American epic Friday the 13th? Is Camp Crystal Lake a metaphor for medieval Europe and its sinful debauchery? Is our friend in the hockey mask a symbol of the church’s and monarchies’ evil reigns over the masses? Probably not, but think about man. Unfortunately this is what happens when you’re stoned and flipping back and forth between the History Channel and a Jason Voorhees marathon on SyFy.

For those of you who didn’t catch the premiere of American Horror Story on Wednesday night we feel compelled to tell you that you must On Demand it or Hulu it.

The show centers on the Harmon family, Ben, Vivien and their daughter Violet, who move from Boston to L.A. after Vivien has a miscarriage and Ben has an affair with one of his students. The family moves into a gorgeous mansion built in the 1920’s that turns out to be haunted.

This show truly has everything: Violent high school bullying, a psychotic teenage love interest, a sexy maid that isn’t really sexy, a character in a full-length leather “gimp” suit, a thieving neighbor whose daughter that has down syndrome delivers prophesies of death to all that enter the mansion, a previous owner that killed his family in a pyromania version of The Shining, and an evil midget in the basement. We think our nipples just got hard. Check it out, you won’t be dissappointed.

We find it hard to believe in curses, but then we run into things like the Curse of the Billy Goat and it makes us wonder. On Saturday, Oct. 6, 1945 during the 4th game of the World Series the Chicago Cubs were hosting the Detroit Tigers at Wrigley Field and leading the series 2-1. In attendance was the owner of the local Billy Goat Tavern, Billy Sianis, and with him his pet goat (Insert bestiality joke here). Not to ask the obvious, but what was this guy thinking? We’ve all seen the animal documentaries Looney Tunes. Goats will eat anything and everything around them. Sianis was asked to leave, but before he did he cursed the Cubs in a fit of rage declaring, “Them Cubs, they aren’t gonna win no more.” The Cubs have never been to a World Series since.

What if the other curses in recent history have some validity? The Curse of Tutankhamen, the Curse of the Hope Diamond, the Curse of Superman, the Kennedy Curse, the 27 Club, or the Curse of Musicians Trying to Act. That’s right, we’re calling you out JT. We know you’re talented. As a matter of fact, we’d even say that you remind us of a young Michael Jackson, only blacker. Just please quit while you’re ahead.